Expiration Dating

Sitting in my living room in my skivvies watching Sex and the City, tossing back craisins when Carrie brings up a really interesting point. What's the point in dating someone when you know it will only be temporary? Rather it be the hot guy you met in college who will return to his home 4,000 miles away when the semester ends or the girl you know will never truly be what you need her to be. Why do we tend to waste our time on things that won't last?

There are two kinds of expiration dates. The first is the "bridge date". Bridge dates are flings akin to the dollar menu or the bag of chips that holds you over until you go out for a really indulgent dinner later on in the night. You have something that won't really fill you up mentally or spiritually but just holds you over a little longer until you find someone who fully satiates your needs and desires. There is absolutely nothing wrong with these kinds of relationships. They help to teach you about yourself and what you need in others. However, I do think it is very important to be careful with these relationships. Be sure that both people involved are aware that it is simply a here and now kind of situation. Don't let your temporary partner begin to feel like it is more than what you truly intend to make it.

The second expiration date is the kind of relationship that romantic comedies thrive on. It is the relationship that you want to work but the cosmic gods of love will never see it through. In the midst of all of your feelings of love something just does not click. It may be that you're both super busy all the time, or that you just don't have enough in common to make it work, but you both know that eventually it will end. Even though you may really love this person. It WILL end. These are the worst. Nothing good comes from these. EVER. More optimistic people would say "At least you learned something". Some lessons should NEVER be learned. Example, I never want to learn the consequences of accidentally throwing away my cell mates toilet paper shrine to Cher. Most people never want to learn what it feels like to find out that love does not conquer all.

So what do you do? Do you avoid these relationships at all costs? Or do we just let life happen? I have come to find that the best bridge date for me is myself. I prefer not to waste time expiration dating when I can be using this time to learn to love myself. And when I am fully ready to love someone else, it will be a relationship that I hope will never expire.

#ThatOneFriend

I was on twitter today, stalking as usual, when I came across somebody talking about how much they love their friends blah blah bullshit ect. ect. It got me to thinkin' (foreal girl? fuh-rill.). I figured people are archetypal in their friendships, the relationships probably only differ in subtle ways. Let's assume that all of us have friends. Let's assume that I know anything about friendships, or how not to be a bitch to every person I meet. If this were the case, I'd imagine that there would be all different kinds of friends. There would be short ones, tall ones, big ones, small ones and so on so forth (R.I.P Dr. Seuss). For the sake of my blog, lets just say you don't know what kind of friends you have, because most people suck, none of us REALLY know...but this is a loose as loose as i assume Meagan Good's vagina is guide to how to classify your homies.

The Advice Giver: Let's pretend you're me, and you're kind of a slore always having boy troubles (I assume no boys have the friend who gives advice, simply because it would always go something like "fuck bitches, get money, cars, titties, swag, whoo! what?). You probably have that one friend who you know absolutely NOTHING about their love life, you probably assume that they don't have one, because their obviously asexual, this is the friend that you call, and disturb their Family Feud marathon at 12:34 a.m. to spill your annoying ass guts to. This friend will always give you the advice you know is right, YOU are the friend who never takes that advice. This is usually the friend that will be all "girl, i told you not to go out with Lamar ass, but you didn't wana listen to me uhn uhnnnn". And you just hang your head in shame. This is the friend that you like the most because they ain't scared to check yo ass all up and down bout yo shit. 

Rating: I give this friend a solid 4 1/2 out of five. This is one of the best kind of friends to keep in your arsenal, the only downside of this friend is that their too good a friend, sometimes you just like, bitch, go do something crazy so I can be the good friend for once. Alas, they always stick to taking their kitties on long walks around the culdesac.

The Coolest Guy/Gal You Know: This is the friend who introduced you to Twitter, this is the friend who scoffs at you for liking anything that comes on the radio (touche). This is the friend who was listening to thatguywhojustbecamefamous wayyy before he was famous. We love this friend because they are SO DAMN COOL. You find yourself talking like them, saying shit like "unicorns and sprinkles, and ninjas, and 'awesome vintage thing dude'". This is the friend who, even at their most uncool moments, are cooler than you. You feel blessed that the good Lord sent you someone who makes you less awkward. This friend also doesn't have many friends. This friend hates people. Simple. This friend only likes you because you are weird. This friend wants to collect you. The really great thing about this friend, is that you can spend whole days with them, and learn something newer, and cooler everyday. 

Rating: I'd give this friend a 4. This friend is great to have around when you're not doing anything because, they can make not doing anything, the coolest thing you've ever done. The downside of this friend, is that their always changing and adapting to what they consider is cool. And in the words of that German bitch, "one day you're in, and the next, you're out." :(

The Ho': This is the friend that you love. You love this friend because they represent everything that friendship is all about. You keep their slutty little secrets, you take them to the clinic to get that new crabs creme they want to try out, you even sort of admire them for their willingness to clearly not give a fuck about life. This friend is usually gorgeous. This friend is probably really sweet on the inside, their just, you know, a few walls short of a house, if ya know what im sayin'. Wait, what? Exactly. The number one thing to remember with this friend is that you NEVER criticize their ho shit. NEVER. You embrace this friend, and everything that they bring to the table. Which is probably only sex tips, maybe a lecture on the importance of oral sex. But these are the friends you NEED. These are the friends that make you feel better about your own ho' shit. You can always look real deep down and say "well, atleast I haven't fucked as many dudes as Keisha."

Rating: I'd give this friend a 3. This friend is completely awesome. Totally. But, birds of a feather do indeed flock to the dick together. Just by being a friend to this person, your own ho' status rises about 34%. 

The Bitch You Cant Help But Love: This friend is quite simply a bitch. She or He (also know as a He-Bitch) does nothing all day but nag, criticize, and complain. You are usually the person they dump all this shit on. You normally know everything about all of their other friends because they have no problem tellin' you all they shit. This bitch hates you. She hates you and anybody else who isn't his or herself. You kind of hate them too. Except when you need to really bitch it out. Sometimes you just wana talk some shit. You call this friend. They damn near wet themselves at the prospect of being a bitch. It makes them smile. It makes you smile. Normally the smile fades when the person you bitched to them about somehow finds out. It is a cycle. You will never, ever get rid of this friend. You cant. They will find you. They might even kill you. 

Rating: I give this friend a 2 1/2. This friend is good enough to be a brides maid in a very, very large wedding. You might even let your kids play with hers, but you NEVER consider this person your best friend. This person is about as real as your ho' friend's virginity. Remember that, you'll never go wrong.

*THIS IN NO WAY REFLECTS ANY OF MY FRIENDS. honestly. i'm not lying this time you guise. 

Shit that makes me swoon

In case you've been hiding under a rock, or busy in your Bibles incorrectly calculating the worlds end (Harold Camping) , I MUST take the opportunity to introduce to you le Frank Ocean, member of OFWGKTA (Tyler, the creator an nem). He is the Novacane singing, resident hoodrat loving, up and comer who you SHOULD have heard about by now.

His mixtape included so much uh-MAZING shit, that its still in heavy rotation in my car. Which really isn't sayin' much because I still play my Songs About Jane cd, never-the-less, he is fuckin' great. He isn't Trey Songs, or Usher, or (why can't I think of any more relevent R&B singers) uhm, Sisqo??. He is so much more than that. He is a true story teller *Behind the Music Voice*. Blah, enough of riding le dick...let's get to what's makin' me cream my Vickies this week. Before his mixtape, Nostalgia,Ultra. dropped, Frank Ocean was sitting on the shelf at Def Jam, apparently creating some pretty good shit. Because im too lazy to look it up, i'll just pick the number 49, and say that there is a mixtape floating around out there with 49 songs on it, that I think are pre-Nostalgia. Now, dont get me ta lyin' ta yaul *mammy voice* and tellin' yaul this song is on there because frankly (lame play on words =T ) I just don't know. Anywho, I came across this video today while I was doing my usual jog around le internets, and fell completely in LOVE. Before i give you all the superficial reasons why, watch this. Try not to get too distracted, i still got shit to say.

IF YOU DONT THINK THAT SHIT IS FUCKIN' BEAUTIFUL!!!!!

i mean, im not no ho' or nothin' , but i would fuck for 45 more seconds of video. shit. If you thinkin' "dis bitch all excited for some visuals of an old ass car and a nigga who slightly resembles Lebron James (yes he does)", then allow me to make it clear for you why im messin' up my sheets over this video in a not so carefully thought out list.

1. Them Colors 'Nshit

this video's color scheme or whatever you fancy art types call dat shit is SOMOTHAFUCKIN' sexy. like, dont you just want it to rain so you can get in your car and just drive.  if gas wasnt $4 wouldn't you want it to rain so you can get in your car and just drive?

2. I didnt see not one hoe!

this is proof that you can make something really sexy, without your video lookin' like an add for Genitrex.

im really tired as hell of this list aww-reddy, but its just the overall effect/affect (i went to public school) of this video that makes it so beautiful. Oh, and that piano section LAWD, Frank don't make me get married to a song about you wantin' to kiss other bitches =T . I said all this to say, FUCK ME FRANKY!